Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Dania Beach, FL Changes Name to Dania Furniture Ruins Lives Beach, FL.

In a move of solidarity with the Anti-Dania Movement, the city of Dania Beach in Florida has voted to rename itself to Dania Furniture Ruins Lives Beach as of 6/28/2011. While official news has yet to be posted on their website announcing this change, significant moves in its re-branding/renaming campaign has been swift.  The city has already updated its name on Google Maps; see below.  When a user searches for dania beach florida, he/she is automatically redirected to the result for Dania Furniture Ruins Lives Beach.  And don't try conducting the search on your own, just trust me. Please.

When asked why they have not made the announcement public but updated their name on Google Maps, Mayor John Dania Beach cautiously said, "while we are proud of our new name and the strength and solidarity of our community to fight the evil that is Dania , we must also be cautious.  Dania is run by a powerful empire of heartless animals, and we must carefully review this bold declaration before we present this to the world." A bold choice of words for an individual who's erring on the conservative side. "I will be making my official announcement on Monday, July 4th, in commemoration of our nation's birthday and the new birth of our beautiful city, where we will be break the shackles from the tyranny that is Dania Furniture. The association between our city's name and that terrible furniture company must end.  We will make it clear - once and for all - Dania furniture ruins lives."

Residents around the city are anticipating the official announcement to morph into a huge, all-day celebration. Anti-Dania furniture flags have been dancing in the warm winds from nearly every porch in the city, and a myriad of bumper stickers decorate at least half of the cars.  Jim Riggleman, local party animal and baller socialite is already planning a series of events to capture the essence of all this excitement.  While he didn't reveal many details of what he's planning to throw, he did warn against missing out on the bonfire of assorted Dania items.

Some residents, on the other hand, fear the potential repercussions, should Dania and/or the Interline/Scandiniavian Design decide to fight back.  Anne and Frank Johnson, a young couple raising three children under 5 expressed this concern. "These are some crazy times with lots of social unrest for a variety of reasons.  Dania Furniture is worse than Al Qaeda...I can only imagine what they are capable of doing," said a petrified Frank.  "It's not as though we don't want to stand up and fight Dania..." commented Anne.  "We're just proud, scared, and excited. Oh, what a time..."

Whatever the case is, rest assured the the DFRL Beach will always have unconditional love and support from the DSM.