Add Dania ScrewedMe on LinkedIn. Let Your Professional Network Know You Hate Dania Furniture.

Impress your professional network by getting LinkedIn with Dania Furniture's fearless enemy, Dania ScrewedMe. Take our word for it, having us as a connection is likely to boost your odds of getting off unemployment by 70%, and even better at 85% for those looking to move onto bigger and better things.  Unlike for-profit educational institutions, we can make these claims.

For those who are uninformed, LinkedIn is the premier online resource for career networking, via social media.  It's a simple, but powerful tool that enables you to have a resume online, receive and post recommendations from anyone, and meet those that may be able to help you in your career. If you're not on there, then you're not maximizing your career potential!  It's not some garbage employment site like monster.com - this is the real deal. Create an account if you don't have one and add us as a connection; already got one? Then add us!

Want a recommendation to let the world know you are willing to work for free to support a cause you can pour your heart and soul into?  Intern at the Dania ScrewedMe LLC, do a kick ass job, and get rewarded with a LinkedIn recommendation that will lead to intense upward mobility, guaranteed.  Case and point: Dr. Charles Stone was a novice in the world of academia, just having earned his doctorate in psychology and moved to Brussels, Belgium. As he acclimated himself to his new surroundings, Dr. Stone found a strange sense of comfort and familiarity with the Anti-Dania Furniture Movement™. Last summer, he joined us in Europe to establish high-level political and social ties to help us take down terrible Dania Furniture. We can't divulge the top secret details here, but let's just say he made us be even more successful than we thought we would...

This internship and our recommendation on his profile gave him the confidence and experience to apply the voluminous amounts of learnings he gained to excel in his field.  Since he interned, he's churned out two big time publications that's earned him endless  shoutouts from academia's highest ivory tower. He's gained so much notoriety for his work that he's been teaching curriculum at his university, where he speaks his version of French, also known as "Broken-French." Indeed, Dr. Stone owes it all to the Dania ScrewedMe LLC for the inspiration to get the most out of himself.

Charles, you're welcome.

This could be you. Reap the rewards of Linkedin with us.

Dania Furniture Advertises on Rush Limbaugh Show. Gets Lambasted By Everyone and Their Respective Moms...Plus A Major Advertising Fail on Google Adwords...

Dania Furniture's follies in advertising continue with the recent marketing debacle on The Rush Limbaugh Show, a conservative, political radio talk show.  On February 29, 2012, Rush Limbaugh said a bunch of terrible things about Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown law school student, who has been out/well-spoken in her advocacy of contraceptive coverage by all organizations who offer health benefits to their employees. Limbaugh continued making off the heezie statements about Fluke, until March 3rd, when he issued an apology. Despite this highly divisive political atmosphere, Dania Furniture did not pull advertising after the entire situation unfolded.

A group known as Flush Rush, has formed, in response to Limbaugh's inflammatory commentary, singling Fluke out. They
are applying pressure on companies that advertise on Rush Limbaugh's show, to suspend all advertising. On their Facebook page, they specifically cite advertising for the "Dania" brand by their parent company, Scandinavian Designs (AKA Interline), which is the parent company of Dania, as well as Plummers and Scandinavian Designs.  Dania Furniture ran at least one ad between March 5-16 on KOA 850 AM in Denver, Colorado.

Furthermore, according to another cleverly titled anti-Rush Limbaugh group, Shush Limbaugh, Dania Furniture ran ads on March 5th and 6th in Portland, Oregon's radio station, 102.3 FM, KEX, during the Limbaugh's show. By March 5th, a number of major, national brands pulled their ads in response to a deluge of negative responses by users across The Internets.  These companies apologized for any misassociation or connection to Limbaugh's comments to their product(s) and/or service(s), and informed consumers that they were no longer participating in advertising programs on his show.  On the flip side...in yet another revealing, poor social/business move, Dania Furniture kept running ads, despite the divisive rhetoric that persisted on the airwaves for three days. Nothing like polarizing your audience, eh, Dania Furniture CMO?

As illustrated above in our beautiful screenshot, users across the web have responded, by warning Dania of the impact of this advertising conundrum could result in shrinking sales that could domino into the entire Evil Interline Family crumbling before our very eyes, thanks to misguided dollars invested in fruitless advertising. Wow, who would've ever thought they could cause even more damage to their terrible reputation? The sky's no limit for them, apparently!

In Dania's defense, they mobilized and unleashed their Official Elite Facebook Squad® with an emergency, "war room" meeting in the Dania Furniture Media Center to formulate a strategy geared to rectify this major PR flub.

In response to this, and what users have been posting to their Facebook page, Dania published a nonsensical, canned response to upset users.  No apologies were made, but they simply stated that they've pulled their advertising dollars from the show (how long does it last?) and that they aren't supporting any "platform" or opinion.  They did not state when this exactly took place, whether on their website as a hanging PR piece; all that's acknowledged is their nauseatingly, poorly-written FB wallpost response, taken from a screenshot on March 23rd:

Backlash has indeed been strong, and although it's been over a month since this took place, people are still livid about the entire situation. Consumers can be fickle, especially with high involvement products, like furniture, so it will be interesting to see how much impact this has on the perception of Dania Furniture as a complement to urban, progressive lifestyles. Lesson learned...well, for most companies, but probably not stubborn, fears-getting-better Dania Furniture idiots.

If it's not insult to injury, we also got a few good jabs at Dania. You see, Google contacted us and begged us to use a $200 advertising grant to use Adwords again.  They were so pleased with the results of us engaging in their Adwords program last year, that they sent us multiple requests to advertise.  As a gesture of good will to The Google, we decided to strategically place our ads right between Dania's ad, and their organic listing whenever someone searched for "dania furniture."  What's most awesome about this is that this was their first foray into search engine marketing, and based on our research of what they are doing...we can safely say that they are nauseatingly terrible at it!

People loved our ads, and clearly loved the experience, as we gained hundreds of users that spent more than 5 minutes on our page!  The ad shown above is our most successful ad to date, as you may have seen it run before previously.  Unfortunately, they only advertised for a month or so, and have since ceased all search engine marketing campaigns.  We doubt they had any way they could judge the efficacy of their online advertising efforts, aside from "awareness" or "branding" campaigns.  You see, users can't even buy anything off their website. Nothing. There's no way they can even understand if their advertising was working, and smart companies with an online presence never waste dollars on idiotic initiatives like that. Boy would we be freaking out if we served on the board for Interline/Scandinavian Designs!

Anyway, why should any company sell stuff online? It's not like there's a successful company that sells does it. 

Dania Furniture in Portland, Oregon. Probably A Nightmare of an Experience.

Portland, Oregon is a small, large metropolitan city of half a million plus people, just off the coast of the Pacific Ocean. Fun fact: Portland has more nicknames than Dirt McGirt, like PDX, the City of Roses (official), Beervana, P-Town, Stumptown, etc.  Much like its sister city, Seattle, Washington, Portland is one of the major cities of the Pacific Northwest, and is ruled by grey skies, caffeine, yummy beer, and beautiful artistic sadness.

Despite this seemingly depressing environment, Portland flourishes under these conditions.  It's a young, lively city dominated by food trucks, great music, retired hipsters, and a bunch of strip clubs.Indeed, Portland is a vast, vibrant land of 95 unique neighborhoods, where you're not too far away from the flavorful fun from their love of brewing killer beer.  Expert socialite, Kris Emery, describes it as "the greatest city ever;" noting that the people in Portland are better than most.  High praise from America's favorite Dania hater. Indeed, you can easily romp around the city for a weekend, or even get lost and live a lifetime there.  Anything goes in Portland.

Socially, Portland is a progressive, liberal city that has an open attitude to a variety of lifestyles and political choices...on the left-leaning side of the spectrum. Most notably, Portland reflects the states' love of free speech, has a giant LGBT population, and resides in only one of two states (joined by Washington) in permitting Netherlands-like euthanasia. We think it's fair to say that if you're a tolerant person, you'll enjoy living in Portland.

Unfortunately, the future of Portland is at risk of being wiped off the planet, due to a decline in birth rate. With 44% of the population in the 18 to 44 years old range, there should be plenty of fantastic Portlandians contributing to the gene pool to make society better!  What on earth is preventing America's coolest people from procreating?

Some have suggested to us that the mere terribleness of Dania's existence in Portland (including their other Oregon locations) has single-handedly siphoned out the love, romance, and passion of Portlandians such that they are not reproducing. We reject that notion, because it seems pretty crazy, although we do agree that Dania is terrible and bad.  We're sure there are other reasons as to why that's the case, but we do not have any evidence that Dania isn't sucking that loving and feeling that ignites the passion that creates families, or that the sheer horror that is Dania is sterilizing a significant population of Oregon.  With nearly 60% of Oregon's state population being concentrated in the greater Portland metropolitan area, it certainly does seem odd, but again...we don't agree with it, despite the fact that we can discredit that strong, seems-like-a-fact-but-isn't, opinion.

Hopefully Portlandians can find a way to keep procreating, to keep their cool-ass city alive, well, and with a future. Can someone at least stop selling contraceptives there for cryin out loud?! Portland, we are praying for you. Do yourself a favor and avoid this location and/or calling them, at all cost:

Dania Furniture in Hollywood District
1905 NE 41st Ave
Portland, OR 97212
(503) 284-0880

Furniture stores in Portland, OR that aren't Dania:
We cannot guarantee or even speak to the quality of service and product, but we implore you to at least stop by their stores and inquire about their products, warranties, and delivery to make a truly informed decision.  However, we are confident that shopping elsewhere is likely to yield exponential happiness and lifelong fulfillment.

• City Liquidators - Family-owned and operated for over 30 years, offering new and used, home and office furniture at heavily discounted prices. 
• Hunt & Gather - Large variety of different looks at real high-end furniture. Everything from traditional, to urban, to super funky, futuristic and everything in between. 
• Hive Modern Design - Hella sleek, hella fancy...super tight gear. You know, everything Dania Furniture isn't.
• IKEA - Affordable furniture you build with tools cro magnon designed.  
• Macy's - Three locations in Portland offering their furniture gallery. It's good to live in Portland!
• Paul Schatz Furniture - As described on their website, they boast "the finest in home furnishings that specialize in the Northwest lifestyle." Finally, a couch to match your flannel shirts!
• Shleifer Furniture - Home furniture for those with space to spare...big comfy couches, giant beds, and anything other kind of furniture you could possibly want - supersized.
• West Elm - Sharp, modern design in lots of different urban styles. 

Remember, folks, we cannot vouch for the quality of the furniture, or the customer experience, but we're confident that these are much better alternatives.  If you know of a furniture store we should include in our listings, please feel free to contact us at daniascrewedme@gmail.com, and we'll be sure to include your information.

Dania Furniture Sales Associates Earn Less Than the Homeless, According to SimplyHired.com

SimplyHired.com, a career-based search engine, has published a shocking report, exposing Dania Furniture as a heartless employer - a universal belief, now substantiated by a website.  According to their calculations, The Homeless earn 40% more than the average sales associate at Dania.  Specifically, a Dania Furniture sales associate, earns an average of $24,000, as opposed to the average salary of a homeless person, which is $40,000.  In other words, according to this very true, factually-reliable, probably not incorrect data - Dania sales associates earns just 60% of your average homeless person.

No details around benefits have been disclosed, but it does make us wonder if they would offer any, considering the average wage of those without housing earn more than Dania employees.  Man oh man...it sure does sound like someone needs to unionize them.

While we hate Dania Furniture with all of our collective heart, we do advocate that Dania employees are given a fair wage, at least equal to that of the homeless and that they be equipped with skills and training to perform a job well done.  It's clear that Dania headquarters would rather invest in maintaining their tacky, gaudy, out-of-touch universe of bloated salaries and lifetyles.  Their terrible corporate culture, of arrogance, greed, and neglect that creates a social wall of out-of-touchedness that their frontline employees exhibit in the showroom.  This is likely spreading to their outsourced furniture delivery partner, Suntrax Logistics. This is the only reasonable conclusion.

We often reflect upon our meeting with a former Dania sales associate (the one holding the trophy we awarded to Dania at the Page 1 Party) and recall his experience of working at Dania Furniture.  "It fucking sucked!" was his visceral reaction. He was furious at just the thought of working there, and genuinely enjoyed the fact that Dania was awarded "World's Worst Furniture Store of 2011."  While we didn't dwell on this topic by asking him to recall those terrifying, nightmare-like memories, it was evident that he was a wounded a soul, despite the great strength he harnessed to move forward.

That's the look of pure redemption.

There but for the grace of God, go we.

His story is an amazing one of mental fortitude and triumph.  He embodies the American spirit and what our forefathers fought for - life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Let this fantastic example he has set be one for us to model our lives after.

There is a life after Dania...whether you've worked there or made the grave mistake of shopping there...all it takes is a fighting spirit and the mentality of taking it one day at a time...stay strong Dania Furniture employees...there is a way out.