OMG, you guys! It's time to get down and party to celebrate our page 1 status again. So join us, won't you? Just in case you've forgotten, we hold the shiney, impressive title of page 1 status when you search for "dania furniture" on Google. As a result, we've been celebrating this annually, since our inception in 2011.
Okay, so we didn't have one last year, because we were so tied up promoting the hate on Dania that there wasn't time to celebrate. It's not easy being on page one, folks. Sometimes you have to put the caviar and cocktails aside, strap on some workboots and overalls and get down to brass tacks. So, in lieu of that, we made a generous, multi-dollar contribution to one of our favorite causes, Planned Parenthood. They really do need us more than ever now, since there seems to be all this lady-hating going on. What's up with that?
But we digress, here are the deets on this year's party:
- When: Saturday, September 27, 4pm - ?
- What: unOFFICIAL Anti-Dania Night at Safeco Field, in Seattle. Mariners vs. Angels
- Who: You, us, and the Seattle Mariners
- Pregame: Bottomless, complimentary pitchers at a nearby bar TBD at 4pm, sponsored by us.
- That's right, FREE booze, y'all.
- Game time: 6:10pm.
- We will be catching homeruns and gonna flash some major hating on that jumbotron. Also, King Felix will probably stop by and hang with us for a bit. You can count on it.
- Post game: somewhere amazing, TBD
- Special Deets: Handing out free Anti-Dania wristbands to folks as they enter Safeco. Come help us and get yours!
Get in on this, email email@example.com to join us. We've still got some room in our crew, so if you want a free ticket, just say the word.
If you aren't in the area, but want to celebrate the hate, we suggest throwing your own satellite page 1 party in your hometown and visiting whatever local sports team you support. Or bar, church, whatever appropriate venue that will help bring the community together to clown that awful company. They really deserve it.
BTW, it will be crucial that we all root especially hard for Mr. Kyle Seager, our third baseman. He's had a decent week so far, but will need a strong finish if our fantasy team is to have any chance at winning the title. There's a lot of pride on the line, for him and us.
Oh, and why only care about Google search status, you may be asking yourself? Well, it's because Bing and Yahoo are like the Dania Furniture of search engines: always an option, but never worth it. We hope Satya and Marisa (go BABA!) can turn things around over there, but we aren't counting on it like Dania's terrible furniture delivery policy. Man oh man, do we enjoy making fun of all of them.
Looking forward to seeing you guys there.