Dinklage traveled to Rainier Ave in south Seattle to mock Dania and broadcast it to his fans. He posted his selfie online and included this commentary: "If Dania were a character on Game of Thrones, it would probably be a cross between Joffrey and Theon Greyjoy. The monstrous byproduct of inbreeding, a literal thirst for human flesh and blood, mixed with an unintentionally-incestuous, no talent assclown with zero balls. I don't know if they can rebrand that away. "
Amen, Pope. Amen. We think The Pope is onto something, as this rebranding sale is a clear indictment on the state of their business. It's obvious to even the most obtuse Dania executive that they're screwed, because a blog created by some dude has managed to reach over 50,000 people to tell them not to shop there. And apparently enough of them are heeding our message.
The future of Dania is indeed at a crossroads. Not only did they make a baseless investment in billboard advertising, they also invested heavily in a perpetual motion machine to help them reduce their energy expenses. Furthermore, their recent job post seeking an alchemist to help them improve their finances seems a bit desperate. CEO, Evil John Dania, III must have a giant koi pond with a lot of pennies at the bottom.
It doesn't take much effort to show people a little bit of respect and kindness to build an army of loyal shoppers. If you're in the Seattle area and have shopped at awesome ass Kasala, you'll know they've got super tight furniture with decent pricing at Nordstrom-level quality customer service. It's like the folks that work there are fueled from the pure joy they are able to instill into their customers. Your happiness really is their happiness. Check it out for yourself and tell them Dania ScrewedMe sent you. In fact, ask them for the "Dania ScrewedMe discount," and see what they say. It might even exist.
In addition to Kasala, you can also get your shop on at Room & Board, where the gear is totes beautiful, and there's a lot of staff on hand to provide honest advice and guidance. What's most interesting about them is they are a national chain of stores, and have aggregated 95% of their furniture inventory from local US designers and have created a sustainable business at scale.
So Dania's got a lot to rebrand against, because those are just two brands, which are beloved and they treat people like human beings and not credit cards to be swiped, processed and booted out the door. And we're going to use this space to clown Dania even harder and promote their competition.
That's right Kasala and R&B (and others) - we will promote you for free and would also be more than happy to do some heavy, thinly veiled native advertising here. Either way, we are ready to get Dania to do a rerebranding sale.
We already can't wait for the next round of celebrity selfies to surface.