Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Blowing the Whistle on Dania Furniture

The DSM is proud to announce the addition of a new team member, who will be referred to as The Whistle Blower (TWB).  His role will be to provide guidance and wisdom in content generation as Lead Consultant, Senior.  He will also dedicate much time to conducting field research on Dania Furniture's terrible operations, to unearth and publicize terrible facts about Dania Furniture.

Case and point: TWB recently disguised himself as a Dania employee, and snuck into the Q1 company meeting for 2011.  The CEO, Evil John Dania, III mostly boasted of record-breaking revenue and margin, all attributed to increasing the level of customer disservice by not delivering furniture and forcing customers to repurchase "delivery."  He even went so far as to refer to Dania customers as "idiots" and "quite possibly the dumbest people on earth" - all because they were willing to pay for additional delivery, out of desperation to have furniture.  In addition to that, he also repeated the new company mantra, "being unprofessional is how we're professional" throughout the day.   At the end of each incoherent thought, he would often belt out "Muahahaha...I love the taste of innocent blood. Nom. Nom. Nom."

Frightening.

Stealthily using his lolcamera, TWB was able to take a revealing lolphoto of the situation:

dania furniture ceo, evil john dania, iii

I know this isn't much of a surprise, but it's disheartening nonetheless.  Readers, if anything else, this just proves that there's a lot of work left for us to do.  Nice work, TWB.