Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day #3: The Birth of the Anti-Dania Furniture Revolution (2/18)

This is the fourth installment in the dramatic series of my negative review of shopping at Dania Furniture.

Preceding Posts:
Chapter I. Day #1 Dania Furniture Debacle: Dania Fails to Deliver (2/16) Pt. 1
Chapter II. Day #1 Dania Furniture Debacle: Dania Fails to Deliver (2/16) Pt. 2
Chapter III. Day #2: I'll Show you What $75 Can Do (2/17)

In the morning, sitting at my desk at work, I received a phone call from the sales associate I had been going back and forth with.  He had a good news for me, for a change. I could have my couch resent to me without additional cost.  Wow, it only took three days!  Despite the eternity it took for him to have this approved, I understand that he is ill-equipped with the customer service tools to make him successful in a situation that warrants such attention.  Like mine.  So, kudos to him, but shame on Dania for taking so effing long.  I mean, seriously.

I told him I would need time to consider it, because I was now considering going with a different couch, in which I said I would attribute him with the upsale. Yes, my bitterness had not yet reached its nadir...yet, as I was still considering staying with my terribly overpriced Dania Furniture.

All morning long, I went back and forth on which couch to go with, as it was a huge decision to make.  The old couch was cheaper and more affordable, but the other one was nicer and would likely be more impressive to my friends.  I then considered what potential problems I would have with the couch and was fearful that if I did business with Dania, they would not likely provide sound post-purchase, customer service to me.  I did not research their "customer service" policies, but given the experience I was immersed in...I could only imagine a situation fraught with frustration, confusion, anger, and depression.

At the end of the day, when I totaled up the expenses and potential issues I could have, I reasoned that the furniture, altogether was well overpriced.  I could not accept that much risk.  Not now, in a time of such economic and social uncertainty.  This is a time in my life when I need stability and I couldn't rely on Dania to give me that in my furniture.  Simply put, I would've been a fool to have completed my purchase with them.

I was having lunch at Long Provincial, home of the world's greatest vermicelli bowl, when I put it all together and decided enough was enough.  It was crystal clear that I had to cut all ties with Dania Furniture and be the voice of the millions of screwed Americans that were forced to purchase additional delivery.  Enter, the Anti-Dania Furniture Revolution.

Caught up in the moment, I stood up from my seat, (immediately after placing my pork vermicelli bowl + egg roll order), and called Dania to tell them that it was over.  I was breaking up with them, forever. As soon as the sales associate picked up, I instructed her that I would like to return all of my terrible Dania Furniture, that I did not want to pay for a cent of anything, and that I wanted them to pick up the chair from my apartment.  There's no way I could walk into my living room day in and day out without getting furious at the sight of any Dania Furniture in my home, let alone deal with the nausea and diarrhea that has come of it.

She recorded my request, but expressed uncertainty as to whether or not the Evil Dania Furniture Empire would be willing to fulfill it.  "Not surprising," I told her.  When she asked for my phone number, I told her that I had a new phone number (724) 61-DANIA, and that I wanted to be contacted on that line exclusively.  Unimpressed, she said "I need a real phone number."  I corrected her and informed her that it was indeed an actual phone number that I own and that it would be important to be reached only on that line.

Sensing some sass from her end, I announced to her that I was launching an online phenomenon against Dania Furniture.  I don't know where this came from, but somehow, someway, I found the courage to tell her I would not lose this bitter, furniture war.  I informed her that the trauma I've experienced is the worst pain anyone in the history of mankind has had the misfortune of experiencing.  I would no longer stand idle and allow these grave atrocities take place.  Dania would no longer screw me or have a chance to screw me...ever again.  In fact, if there's any screwing that's going to take place, it's going to be me screwing Dania with the truth.  In a fight of ideals, they are unarmed.  I have the power of my voice and it will not stop screaming anti-Dania rhetoric until they are put out of business.

Sensing some sass from my end, from her perspective, I presumed, she informed me that I would be receiving a call later when someone has had a chance to review this request.  Perhaps her sass was justified, as my reaction could have been perceived as "over-the-top."  I prefer to refer to it as a dramatic interpretation of how I truly felt inside as a victimized consumer.  Maybe she's had the good fortune of never experiencing such strife in life, and didn't have a means of empathizing.  

Within minutes, my vermbowl arrived, and I was in heaven.  The combination of fantastic flavor and pride in telling Dania Furniture off was exhilarating.  I did what many Americans failed to do...stand up for their furniture delivery rights. This, dear readers...this will be my legacy...