Thursday, June 28, 2012

Dania Furniture in Northbrook, IL (Near Chicago). One Could Only Assume it's Terrible.

northbrook illinois - a city tormented by dania furniture

Northbrook, Illinois is a northshore suburb of Chicago whose upscaleness has been tainted by the presence of a terrible Dania Furniture location (more on this below). Formerly known as "Northbrook Village," it is a city with close to 200 years of white history.  Anyway, now, it's a small city, at a population of 33,170 people, where nearly three-quarters are married. As you can tell, this is a family-oriented, tight knit community that values traditional, pure, wholesome midwestern values.  Northbrook is a city where young couples realize their future, where parents feel safe to raise their kids, and where these parents transition into adulthood.  It's a microcosm of every feelgood, affluent, safe neighborhood that details the American Dream with spacious housing, nice yards, great public education, without any need for neighborhood watch patrols. What people love most about Northbrook is the fact that strangers easily smile and wave at each other, with random conversations with people that soon become friends.  You know, a place where everyone knows each others' names, like Cheers, minus the alcoholism.

Man oh man...what a city to live...or maybe more like what a city to have lived in.

How can the residents of Northbrook ever feel the high levels of self-esteem and pride with a terrible Dania Furniture store in their neighborhood?  This is the precise type of city that doesn't need a Dania Furniture with their tortuous furniture delivery history and their Canal Streetesque rip-off designs.  Dania's most suited for cities littered with liquor stores and payday loans shops, where the unemployment rate is higher than the average test scores.

Crate & Barrel, the purveyors of fancy, expensive, realdeal high-end home furniture and furnishings has its headquarters in Northbrook.  It has been rumored that they were motivated to "remove any association they possibly could with Dania," according to someone high in the evil Dania ranks.  But after all, who could blame C&B for wanting to distance themselves from a "competitor" that is just a terribly bad apple in the furniture game.

Dania's Furniture War on America, has been going on for decades, and when one breaks it down to each individual location, you begin to understand the individual lives that have been ruined by Dania.  In this case, the residents of Northbrook are the ones that lose.  They have been killing community values through their message that it's okay to buy rip-off furniture that's "Scandinavian" by design at fake low prices. Their  ho-hum craftsmanship and lack of humanity in their customer service is truly disgusting, and should be reason enough to not shop there. That stuff belongs to the plebeians, not Northbrookers with their impressive six-figure+ median income.  I mean, won't find a Wal-Mart in this town.  You'll have to wander outside the city limits for that one.

If you walk into the Northbrook Dania store, please only do one thing and ask them why they love inflicting strife on people who don't deserve it.  I'm sure their canned answer will only prove that they don't accept any responsibility for what they've done.

Dania, if you're out there, leave the citizens of Northbrook and the employees of Crate and Barrel alone...just go away...

Avoid this location at all cost:
Dania Furniture - Home & Office
1001 Skokie Blvd 
Northbrook, IL 60062
(847) 205-9910

Northbrook (Almost) Fact
Rumor has it Northbrook's beloved son, Steve Bartman drove by Dania earlier on that fateful day. Yes, that same day where he lived quiet, happy life only to be exiled from society for having better defensive prowess than Moises Alou.  Those that know Bartman explained that he would never shop at Dania, let alone walk into the actual store, but that they're absolutely certain that driving by Dania earlier that day led to his reaction as any typical fan trying to catch a foul ball.  According to them, most Northbrook residents see Dania as bad luck, but were surprised to see the impact of this bad luck on such a massive scale.  It's terrible that this grown-up Ikea brand of would single-out one individual in such a heartless way, but it is consistent with Dania's track record of nefarious business practices.

Furniture stores in Northbrook, IL that aren't Dania:
We cannot guarantee or even speak to the quality of service and product, but we implore you to at least stop by their stores and inquire about their products, warranties, and delivery to make a truly informed decision.  However, we are confident that shopping elsewhere is likely to yield exponential happiness and fulfillment.
  • Arte's Interiors - Off-the-wall rich people furniture. A nice and bizarre collection for those who see the art in furniture.  Officially the only website with worse design than our very own.
  • BoConcept - Okay, so this is actually in Chicago, but if you wanna live well and ball hard, bring the Amex black card.
  • Crate & Barrel - Available in every affluent city/neighborhood.
  • Home Office Solutions - Turn that drab home office into something beautiful and ergonomic.  
  • HomeGoods - Okay, not the tightest name for a furniture store, but they do indeed make very tight looking furniture. It's unique, urban style shows that it knows how to design furniture and home accents in an elegant way and that Dania knows nothing about that.
  • The Land of Nod - Upscale, fancy furniture for the child who can't get enough high-end accoutrements.
  • Pierce Interiors - Designs and chachkis only a grandmother can enjoy; they must be atop the Guiness World Record for most silver and porcelain in the world.
  • Relax the Back - Furniture and lifestyle solutions for those with maddening back pain.  
Remember, folks, we cannot vouch for the quality of the furniture, or the customer experience, but we're confident that these are much better alternatives.  If you know of a furniture store we should include in our listings, please feel free to contact us at, and we'll be sure to include your information.

Back to the OCCUPY Dania Page for more information on furniture alternatives in other areas.


  1. It's pretty sad that you have nothing better to do than blog about dania furniture....I would like to tell you i purchased over $2000 in furniture at the one in north brook and I had the best shopping experience ever. The manager of the store Karen really showed me around and didn't lead with the most expensive things, rather she showed me things that would look good in my place. I recommend them 100% and have many friends who have bought things from there also. Sucks that you had such a shitty experience...I hope I made your day posting this because obviously nobody else reads your shitty blog :)

  2. Thank you for taking the time to peruse our site, and for giving us your feedback. It really did make our day! We here at the Dania ScrewedMe LLC value everyone's opinion about the amazing work we produce.

    We are ecstatic to know that you are one of the very few people in the world that have had positive experiences at Dania. You must be a good person to have such wonderful karma! Also, special shoutout to Karen for bucking the Dania culture of terrible customer service! I hope she keeps her job, despite her defiance.

    What we enjoy above all things is that you spent at least 6 minutes on our site to post two of the angriest things on this blog. Guess we have something in common - we have nothing better to do than comment on Dania Furniture in aggressive ways. You know, if we can get passed our Dania differences, we might be able to have a beautiful friendship.

    Anyway, best of luck dealing with your aggression issues, Jamie. I hope this isn't how you treat your customers you serve!

  3. What I enjoy is the fact that there are actual people out there who take time out of their dismal lives to make a blog like this....grow the fuck up and do something with your life hahahahahaha