Page 1 Party 2014: Hate Me Out to the Ballgame

OMG, you guys! It's time to get down and party to celebrate our page 1 status again.  So join us, won't you? Just in case you've forgotten, we hold the shiney, impressive title of page 1 status when you search for "dania furniture" on Google.  As a result, we've been celebrating this annually, since our inception in 2011.

Okay, so we didn't have one last year, because we were so tied up promoting the hate on Dania that there wasn't time to celebrate.  It's not easy being on page one, folks.  Sometimes you have to put the caviar and cocktails aside, strap on some workboots and overalls and get down to brass tacks.  So, in lieu of that, we made a generous, multi-dollar contribution to one of our favorite causes, Planned Parenthood.  They really do need us more than ever now, since there seems to be all this lady-hating going on.  What's up with that?

But we digress, here are the deets on this year's party:

• When: Saturday, September 27, 4pm - ?
• What: unOFFICIAL Anti-Dania Night at Safeco Field, in Seattle. Mariners vs. Angels
• Who: You, us, and the Seattle Mariners
• Pregame: Bottomless, complimentary pitchers at a nearby bar TBD at 4pm, sponsored by us.
• That's right, FREE booze, y'all.
• Game time: 6:10pm.  
• We will be catching homeruns and gonna flash some major hating on that jumbotron. Also, King Felix will probably stop by and hang with us for a bit. You can count on it.
• Post game: somewhere amazing, TBD
• Special Deets: Handing out free Anti-Dania wristbands to folks as they enter Safeco. Come help us and get yours!

Get in on this, email daniascrewedme@gmail.com to join us. We've still got some room in our crew, so if you want a free ticket, just say the word.

If you aren't in the area, but want to celebrate the hate, we suggest throwing your own satellite page 1 party in your hometown and visiting whatever local sports team you support.  Or bar, church, whatever appropriate venue that will help bring the community together to clown that awful company.  They really deserve it.

BTW, it will be crucial that we all root especially hard for Mr. Kyle Seager, our badass third baseman.  He's had a decent week so far, but will need a strong finish if our fantasy team is to have any chance at winning the title.  There's a lot of pride on the line, for him and us.

Oh, and why only care about Google search status, you may be asking yourself?  Well, it's because Bing and Yahoo are like the Dania Furniture of search engines: always an option, but never worth it. We hope Satya and Marisa (go BABA!) can turn things around over there, but we aren't counting on it like Dania's terrible furniture delivery policy. Man oh man, do we enjoy making fun of all of them.

Looking forward to seeing you guys there.

2012 Page 1 Party Raises Close to $1 Million for the Red Cross.

Man oh man, was that a party!  We just got over our hangover from last year's Page 1 Party, and have much to report back.  Thanks to the seemingly thousands of Dania Haters who came out to meet with fellow anti-Dania fans, and most importantly, to support our beloved Red Cross.  Everyone in attendance sported hatewristbands in a move of solidarity and camaraderie, as angry, heated discussions of how terrible Dania is ruminated throughout the bar.  It was a beautiful coalescence of hate and love, where our fervent disgust of all things Dania Furniture resulted in an enormous, charitable contribution to the Red Cross. If you're not familiar with them, they're a pretty tight organization that tries really hard to do well for the world...you know, the exact opposite of Dania.  It's safe to say we hit every single emotion possible, but it was accented in smiles, hugs, cheers, and community.  Needless to say, it was the best night of everyone's life.

Jeanne won this limited edition
American Apparel DSM-themed t-shirt

We reached out to friends and local businesses to raffle off awesome stuff (Dania ScrewedMe-themed t-shirts, Dania Furniture replica couch pinata, invaluable art, concert tickets, and a lot more) where all proceeds were donated to the Red Cross, since they're still fishing survivors out of the Atlantic, thanks to that damn hurricane.    Together, we almost met our lofty goal of raising $1 million!  We fell a little short, but hey, $657 is a lot of money, and we're awful proud of this massive accomplishment, nonetheless.  Especially when you consider the fact that Dania doesn't seem to do any sort philanthropic work.  In fact, all  they do is take and take from the world we live in, feeding off of society in every parasitical way possible.  God, they are awful.

It's also worth noting the wonderful folks at the Capitol Club were excellent hosts for this sacred occasion. They hooked up excellent service, poured generous drinks, and made us feel right at home. While they pretended to be confused as to the purpose of the event, something told us they probably agreed with our stance on Dania. Anyway, make sure to stop by for a drink, bite and/or throw an event there, and tell them Dania ScrewedMe sent you.

Oh, and of course what Page 1 Party isn't complete without at least one celebrity couple making an appearance.  Special thanks to super famous Dania haters, Brad and Angelina for getting a sitter for the night .  They were clearly the highlight of the red carpet event, because they're really rich, gorgeous, and famous. You'd almost guess this photo was dated, but they credit their fountain of youth in their fervent hatred of Dania Furniture.  "I stay fit and beautiful, because everyday of my life is an opportunity to spread the anti-Dania message. This is my top priority in life. 75% of my net worth has been invested in this cause."  Angelina backed up that bold statement by explaining, "Our love is bonded through hatred of Dania. It's that simple, and that's why it's such a priority for us. I hate Dania more than I love Brad, and that's what he loves most about me."

2012's Page 1 Party was clearly an historical event; no other spite organization has ever funded a charitable organization.  This is yet another example of ground we have broken, as we continue to make our mark on the world. Whether it's buying spite ads on Google, blogging about hating a furniture company for two years (no one's done that before, oddly enough), and now fundraising for good through pure, unadulterated, deep, seething, raging hate. With almost all of 2013 still ahead of us, who knows what we'll do this year (and you bet your ass we'll continue to rule page 1).  All we can say is we know it will be amazing, weird, and impactful on us as individuals, members of the community, active participants in society and brothers and sisters across this globe. So grab a Rainier, and toast to you and us...we did it again, and we'll continue to do this together.

So here's to another year of hating Dania Furniture and for showing up on page 1 of Google for all "Dania Furniture" searches.  We pledge to keep building the content you love, affecting people around the globe and spreading our message to the world about how terrible it is to shop at Dania.

Page 1 Party, 2012 Celebrates Hatred of Dania Furniture with A New Spin

Everyone, gather around for the last great party on earth as we know it.  If you haven't requested your invite yet, then consider this it, unless you're a mean Dania employee. The 2012 winter solstice upon us, and impending doom is lurking around the corner as humanity gears up for its final days.  Join us tonight for our 2nd Annual Page 1 Party, which will be our last time to shine our Dania spite together.  For those not in the know, this is a party we throw for every year we appear on page 1 of Google search results for "dania furniture." See last year's Page 1 Party for an idea of what it's all about.

In addition to hating on Dania for their horrible Crate & Barrel wannabe home and office furnishings, we will be fundraising for the Red Cross.  Together, we can all help provide resources to help those hard hit areas, recover from what's been termed, "the Dania Furniture of hurricanes." The people of Staten Island are still wading in the Atlantic, and need us more than ever.

All proceeds will be sent directly to them via a giant novelty check, so be sure to break out the big bills and get a bunch of raffle tickets, they're only $1 each!  And of course, you will be obligated to purchase a lot, since the minimum tab is covered by us.  Just make sure you get a wrist band from us, so we can identify you as a hater with tab access.

Location: Capitol Club (Capitol Hill in Seattle - 414 East Pine Street), two rooms downstairs
Date & Time: December 1st, 9pm
Contact: (724) 67-DANIA
Raffle Prizes:

• 2 sets of tickets to The Triple Door
• Dinner for 2 at Taste of India
• 3 Dania ScrewedMe-themed t-shirts
• Romantic and culinary engagement from two UW philosophy professors
• Local artist contributions inspired by their deep, collective hatred of Dania
• Independent, locally-brewed beer of your choice
• 6 months of gourmet cookies
• Dania replica couch pinata + candy

The raffle will go on at midnight, so take a nap, hydrate up, eat a good meal, and prepare to get your hate on until we close out the bar.  Let's open up our wallets and see how many money bins we can fill tonight. Yes, we're taking the hate and turning it into something beautiful.

Isn't it a shame that Dania Furniture doesn't do any community-building and fundraising for those in need, like how we do?  I mean, we are an unprofitable limited liability corporation, and here we are bringing people together and likely to raise a million dollars for our beloved Red Cross.  Kudos to us, and shame on Dania.

Page 1 Party Invite & Details. Down with Dania Furniture!

The Dania ScrewedMe LLC is proud to present its First Annual Page 1 Party!  For the unenlightened few out there, that means this very blog appears on page 1 of Google searches for "dania furniture."  The news was recently broken here.  Here's the lowdown on the party:

• Date: Saturday, October 22nd (RSVP by October 17th!)
• Location: Orient Express, 2963 4th Ave S (between Forest St & Hanford St) in the SODO neighborhood of Seattle, WA. Check it out on Google Maps.

If you wish to attend, simply email daniascrewedme@gmail.com and request your invite.  You're allowed to bring guests, so please specify the number of people you want to attend, and their names. This is a snooty, exclusive event, so we reserve the right to clown individuals.  And remember, you must RSVP by Monday, October 17th. If you attempt to RSVP after, you may miss out on what will likely be documented in history as the Westcoast's hottest party of 2011.

"So what can I expect at an anti-Dania Furniture party?" you may be asking yourself. Well, first off this isn't your average anti-Dania party...this is a Page 1 Party.  Getting to this point in our short lifespan is a cause for celebration - NOT just a party. In order to due this massive feat justice, we have prepared an evening of unending fun.

• Generous Bar Tab. Bring cab fare (get to and fro safely, y'all), some loose bones for tipping, and if you must extra dough for drinks. Depending on how many people attend, we hope to be able to buy at rounds and rounds for everyone who attends.
• DSM Approved Tunes + Killer Company. Party with like-minded Dania Furniture haters that hate everything from their stupid couches, to their terrible beds, tables, etc! All behind the backdrop of a customized Dania Furniture hate inspired playlist.
• Free Gourmet Buffet. Feast on some of Seattle's finest Chinese gourmet food. 
• Dania Furniture Replica Couch Piñata. We'll beat the living hell out of it and devour its insides.
• 1st Annual DSM Awards. See the beginning of a new tradition.
• Tearful Speeches. Bare witness to moving speeches by the DSM founder that will shake you to your core harder than 5 minutes of Jesus Camp.  There won't be a single dry eye in the house.
• Karaoke. We will have our own private room which can house 30-40 angelic voices. We've already got dibs on "Spoonman" and "In Bloom."

Your only excuse to not attend this party is if you're out of the country. Hopefully this is just the beginning of yearly events hosted by the Dania ScrewedMe LLC.  Read how you can help keep this blog on page 1 and help us climb up the organic search ladder!

Join us in a toast to Page 1, won't you?