Monday, August 8, 2011

Dania Furniture's Arch-Nemesis Just Got More Nemesissy. Dania Furniture Hatred Blossoms into Dania ScrewedMe LLC. Formal Announcement & Mission Statement Mash-Up.

dania screwedme llc made official by washington state

Dania ScrewedMe (DSM) LLC officially incorporated on June 26, 2011, although the DSM came into existence on February 18, 2011 as an independent entity that eventually outgrew its capacity.  "Why start a revolution in anti-furniture blogging?" you may ask yourself as you peruse this site.  The answer is simple: because the customer experience of purchasing furniture proved to be the most stressful, daunting and emotionally taxing experience the DSM's founder has ever had to endure.  Upon research, said founder realized it was high time to release the public from the shackles of ignorance and expose Dania Furniture for how terrible they are in every way possible.  Hence, this inspiration came to fruition in the form of this very blog to expose the pitfalls and follies of shopping at Dania Furniture (the worst company in the history of Business, which a fact).

The vehicles we employ to provide a well-rounded worldview of Dania Furniture are simple: exposing the Truth through a detailed, factual recount of a personal shopping experience gone awry, which is presumed to be common.  In addition to that, we also employ a careful balance of unfactual/unsubstantiable truth, factual/substantiable truth, hyperbole, overdramatization, sarcasm, satire, wit, and hilarity to prove the point that shopping at Dania Furniture is likely to be the worst thing any human being ever can do.  EVER.

We aim for one goal: informing consumers to make the proper furniture shopping decision, which in every case is to shop at Macy's instead of Dania Furniture.  It should also be noted Interline, Inc. owns Plummers and Scandinavian Design (which is essentially Dania, under a different label), and therefore equally as terrible making them ideal targets of unbridled mockery.

When one considers the many opportunities to purchase faux high-end furniture, he/she must be mindful of the plethora of similar companies that are willing to sell him/her similarly priced (if not better) furniture that is sold with customer satisfaction in mind.  This, of course, is when customers are able to not just purchase the item(s), but able to realize it in their respective homes for a reasonable amount of time.  The objective is simple: encourage furniture consumers to shop where they will be treated like human beings and not simply as money dispensers.

Above all things, the DSM strives to promote human rights and equal treatment for all furniture shoppers.  Specifically, disrespect and fleecing of customers is not acceptable, nor will it be tolerated.  Henceforth, the DSM shall be the self-appointed arbiter of proper furniture consumption, customer service judgments, and only operate in the best interest of the consumer.  Our efforts will be realized over time and our efforts are undoubtedly appreciated by all humans with internet access and nothing but hours of disposable time.

The DSM realizes that this task is as infinite as its ambitions, but that's the kind of challenge that must be grappled with from here until the Mayan Calendar ends.  It's for the good of the world that the Dania ScrewedMe LLC exists, because at the end of the day, everyone will own furniture, and we will always do our best to inform furniture shoppers of the terrible mistake it is to shop at Dania Furniture.