Saturday, June 6, 2015

Celebrities Mock Dania Rebranding Billboards in Selfies

You never really know how many people you connect with when you start an amazing blog, like ours.  Sure, we know it's pretty tight, full of 100% truth, and are proud of the body of our work that spans four very proud years.  After all, with the internets, there is the potential to reach everyone, but you never really know who are you are actually connecting with.  We don't pour our collective heart here glory, but positive feedback and validation is something anyone can appreciate.  Certainly, we're no different in that regard.

Right before our announcement of Dania's hella dumb rebranding sale, a slow trickle of celebrity selfies with Dania rebranding billboards eventually erupted into a river of JPGs and PNGs in our inbox.   We were awestruck and a bit gee-schuck in response to the positive feedback we received for forcing Dania to rebrand.  Who would have ever guessed celebrities would have taken to selfies with Dania rebranding billboards!  Not us, but we were no doubt way pumped to receive them.  

Here are our favorites:

kim kardashian would rather shop second hand than at daniaIt all started, like how most things online things do, with Kim Kardashian.  We had no idea she was even a fan of our blog, but she flew into Seattle just to get a selfie with one of those horrific Dania rebranding billboards just to clown them online.  She followed this up with a personal email to us and thanked us for our valiant work; you know, because she's the arbitor of that. We were also sent some super tight recordings by her husband, Yeezus, who's been working on some anti-Dania material that is likely to result in a string of hits for him and the movement.  Hopefully Big Sean won't be on any of those tracks, because he's not a very good rapper, despite e40 bailing him out of that one track.  
kansas city royals are above dania furnitureBut it didn't stop there, Paul Rudd and our favorite team from the AL Central, the Kansas City Royals even made it up to highway 99 in Shoreline, WA to partake in the festive mockery that took the celebrity stratosphere by storm.  Royals coach Ned Yost, said "we just wanted to see a live rebranding billboard, and they don't have them in KC. Winning the AL pennant and having Dania fall to their knees was a great way to wrap up 2014."  Paul Rudd also said some unfavorable stuff about Dania, as well. We think he's overrated so we just pretend listened to him until we got a chance to sneak away and ask Yost why he has an idiotic judge of character, considering Ryan Braun is a fully optimized dick/douch hybrid.

peter dinklage is about as anti dania as it gets
The coolest anti-Dania celebrity selfie came courtesy of the great Peter Dinklage, whose dangerously high level of celebrity can unintentionally result in death to average folk.  You may know him better as Tyrion Lannister, the best character on the best show on TV, computer, tablet, and smartphone.  That show, Game of Thrones for those that don't participate in civil society.

Dinklage traveled to Rainier Ave in south Seattle to mock Dania and broadcast it to his fans.  He posted his selfie online and included this commentary: "If Dania were a character on Game of Thrones, it would probably be a cross between Joffrey and Theon Greyjoy.  The monstrous byproduct of inbreeding, a literal thirst for human flesh and blood, mixed with an unintentionally-incestuous, no talent assclown with zero balls. I don't know if they can rebrand that away. "

the pope hates dania
The greatest of all honors was when The Pope took time out of his busy, god celebrating schedule, to give a shoutout to us.  His message was as brilliant as it was concise.  "May the Lord dissolve that company with his fiery vengeance, like some Old Testament ish, you know what I'm sayin'?  It is time for humanity to be done with them once and for all."

Amen, Pope.  Amen.  We think The Pope is onto something, as this rebranding sale is a clear indictment on the state of their business.  It's obvious to even the most obtuse Dania executive that they're screwed, because a blog created by some dude has managed to reach over 50,000 people to tell them not to shop there. And apparently enough of them are heeding our message.

The future of Dania is indeed at a crossroads.  Not only did they make a baseless investment in billboard advertising, they also invested heavily in a perpetual motion machine to help them reduce their energy expenses.  Furthermore, their recent job post seeking an alchemist to help them improve their finances seems a bit desperate.  CEO, Evil John Dania, III must have a giant koi pond with a lot of pennies at the bottom.

It doesn't take much effort to show people a little bit of respect and kindness to build an army of loyal shoppers.  If you're in the Seattle area and have shopped at awesome ass Kasala, you'll know they've got super tight furniture with decent pricing at Nordstrom-level quality customer service.   It's like the folks that work there are fueled from the pure joy they are able to instill into their customers. Your happiness really is their happiness.  Check it out for yourself and tell them Dania ScrewedMe sent you.  In fact, ask them for the "Dania ScrewedMe discount," and see what they say.  It might even exist.

In addition to Kasala, you can also get your shop on at Room & Board, where the gear is totes beautiful, and there's a lot of staff on hand to provide honest advice and guidance.  What's most interesting about them is they are a national chain of stores, and have aggregated 95% of their furniture inventory from local US designers and have created a sustainable business at scale.

So Dania's got a lot to rebrand against, because those are just two brands, which are beloved and they treat people like human beings and not credit cards to be swiped, processed and booted out the door.   And we're going to use this space to clown Dania even harder and promote their competition.

That's right Kasala and R&B (and others) - we will promote you for free and would also be more than happy to do some heavy, thinly veiled native advertising here.  Either way, we are ready to get Dania to do a rerebranding sale.

We already can't wait for the next round of celebrity selfies to surface.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Dania Furniture Rebrands, Thanks to Dania ScrewedMe

evil john dania, iii, is not just the face of an evil corporation, he's literally a scary ass clown

Well, another exciting year of hating on Dania has been logged and we are happy to report another successful year.  In fact, it's not just 2014 that was so successful.  It has been our entire campaign against those idiots, since 2011. And we have evidence of how much we have brought them to their weak, pathetic knees.  They've been advertising a "rebranding" sale, since October of last year as far as we can tell.  And yes, we are taking credit for forcing Dania to rebrand.  Oh boy, is 2015 going to be a fun year for us!

We appreciate the congratulations from across the country in what is a clear win for the Anti-Dania Movement, which emerged from humble beginnings - one man's bitterness and a Google account. We now have a global army of dedicated faux high end furniture haters, destined to fulfill our threat of putting them out of business, via objective truth.  Fair to say, the Dania ScrewedMe headquarters has been full of rofls, high-fives, and whiteboarding sessions, as we now transition to our "finish him" strategy.

What they're rebranding to - we haven't a clue, but it likely won't be to a likable or even respectable company.  Maybe they'll change their name or conduct a massive font overhaul.  Whatever it is, we're skeptical it'll have any impact.  Let's face it, reorganizing Dania to a company people like is just too mission impossible, even for the savviest of overpaid consultants to map out.

dania furniture plans to telegraph its rebranding sale, in addition to direct mail
We first discovered this sale when we received a flyer in the mail that initially incensed us.  Why on earth would Dania send us an ad, knowing all that we've been through?  I mean, what kind of clowns are running their direct mail program?  We were so incensed we smashed every window in the house, lit our car on fire and left the refrigerator door open.  It was pretty intense; we were overcome with an extreme Dania-fueled rage, that eventually receded into laughter.  Slow motion laughter, literally - the world stopped for a moment.  After viewing the mailer a little more closely, we realized this was a thinly veiled "rebranding sale" white flag shipped to us direct from Dania headquarters telling us that we've won.

Then, on one of our favorite weekly errands, shopping at hella cool Costco, we were taken aback by a billboard that nearly made us crash our car, due to uncontrollable loling. It was a Dania billboard advertising their "re-branding sale," along highway 99 in Shoreline, a suburb north of Seattle.  This poorly designed ad proudly sat above a suite of windowless stores, including but not limited to vaporizers, cigarrettes & assorted tobacco, and pornography.  We really love the context in which their ads are promoted.  Cleary, nicotine and boners are somehow a part of the master plan behind this rebranding.  Needless to say, we can't wait to see how it all fits together.

As for our plan for the new year, we plan on doing more of the same (running a super tight blog), promote Dania's competition, and a few tricks and surprises along the way.  All we can say is sharpen up your haiku writing skills, and brace yourself for another phenomenal year of groundbreaking, hate blog journalism courtesy of Dania Screwedme.  We promise you won't be disappointed.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Page 1 Party 2014: Hate Me Out to the Ballgame

kyle seager sporting his page 1 jersey, hip bumping with robinson cano

OMG, you guys! It's time to get down and party to celebrate our page 1 status again.  So join us, won't you? Just in case you've forgotten, we hold the shiney, impressive title of page 1 status when you search for "dania furniture" on Google.  As a result, we've been celebrating this annually, since our inception in 2011.

Okay, so we didn't have one last year, because we were so tied up promoting the hate on Dania that there wasn't time to celebrate.  It's not easy being on page one, folks.  Sometimes you have to put the caviar and cocktails aside, strap on some workboots and overalls and get down to brass tacks.  So, in lieu of that, we made a generous, multi-dollar contribution to one of our favorite causes, Planned Parenthood.  They really do need us more than ever now, since there seems to be all this lady-hating going on.  What's up with that?

But we digress, here are the deets on this year's party:

  • When: Saturday, September 27, 4pm - ?
  • What: unOFFICIAL Anti-Dania Night at Safeco Field, in Seattle. Mariners vs. Angels
  • Who: You, us, and the Seattle Mariners
  • Pregame: Bottomless, complimentary pitchers at a nearby bar TBD at 4pm, sponsored by us.
    • That's right, FREE booze, y'all.
  • Game time: 6:10pm.  
    • We will be catching homeruns and gonna flash some major hating on that jumbotron. Also, King Felix will probably stop by and hang with us for a bit. You can count on it.
  • Post game: somewhere amazing, TBD
  • Special Deets: Handing out free Anti-Dania wristbands to folks as they enter Safeco. Come help us and get yours!

Get in on this, email to join us. We've still got some room in our crew, so if you want a free ticket, just say the word.

If you aren't in the area, but want to celebrate the hate, we suggest throwing your own satellite page 1 party in your hometown and visiting whatever local sports team you support.  Or bar, church, whatever appropriate venue that will help bring the community together to clown that awful company.  They really deserve it.

BTW, it will be crucial that we all root especially hard for Mr. Kyle Seager, our badass third baseman.  He's had a decent week so far, but will need a strong finish if our fantasy team is to have any chance at winning the title.  There's a lot of pride on the line, for him and us.

Oh, and why only care about Google search status, you may be asking yourself?  Well, it's because Bing and Yahoo are like the Dania Furniture of search engines: always an option, but never worth it. We hope Satya and Marisa (go BABA!) can turn things around over there, but we aren't counting on it like Dania's terrible furniture delivery policy. Man oh man, do we enjoy making fun of all of them.

Looking forward to seeing you guys there.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Dania Undercover Project: Eff Old People

elder woman crying, presumably because she made an awful dania shopping decision

Dania Furniture recently forked over an indisclosed six-figure sum (not American dollars) for a heavily-cloaked paid placement on "New Day," a late morning local television talk show on Seattle WA's NBC affiliate, King 5.  This was all a part of Dania's new marketing efforts to enter into elusive the frugal senior citizen furniture shopping demographic. If you're familiar with the show or the format, you'll know that no one in their right mind, and/or not on a fixed income, under the age of 65 watches this television show.

Our inside sources report the internal, undercover name is known as "Project: Eff Old People," which is an endeavor to take all the money from our beloved seniors, regardless of the cost - emotionally and financially.  If you've watched the video, you may not know that this was a paid ad, because of the professionalism and preparation of this high-end placement.  Yes, this indeed is the pinnacle of deception for all the awful things Dania has done.

This 6 minute masquerade of ugly furniture propaganda ended with Dania going so far as to pull an Oprah by giving the audience a cheese board to win their affection.  Frankly, it was disgusting and a dirty trick on the beloved elderly.  Unfortunately, the crowd was wowed and overjoyed by this and received a huge ovation.  Of course, this was just as Dania had anticipated and certainly got its money for all the consultants presumably they hired to figure out the best way to bilk the elderly.

John Aarp, president of the AARP has come out with denouncing Dania's targeting of the elderly.  "We cannot allow the most vulnerable of our population to be duped into buying this god awful furniture and home chachkis.  It's just plain unfair." He went on to say that he fears old people, in their confusion of this highly sophisticated propaganda are at risk of overspending their retirement funds to buy furniture over food and medication.  Because Dania has somehow tricked the American psyche to think they are reasonably priced, the elderly may think this is a necessity.  In other words, old people will probably die if they were to witness that segment, by making the decisions just described above. In a world of "what ifs," that's a super scary one.

Margaret Larson, host of the show, has not issued any statements in regards to this, and stands to taint her reputation as a pillar to the community  and an emblem of local journalistic integrity.  I guess it's fair to say she's gambling away her legacy on dirty Dania dollars.  Oh, Margaret say it ain't so!

dania now offering payday loans
This, of course, is no surprise to those who follow Dania.  Let us not forget about their recent, morally bankrupt foray into high-risk, payday loans - cutely referred to as "paydania loans." As you can see from the screenshot, it's so out of left field, it almost appears as though someone just photoshopped it onto their website. We suppose, as long as it makes dollars and cents, it will be done.

CEO, Evil John Dania III recently defended the payday loans venture and strategy to capturing the old people who don't buy furniture segment.  At the latest quarterly review, he stated his allegiance is to the shareholders and that the "easiest of the easy to benefit in the great world of ours is to exploit those who have the weakest defenses. We're going to continue doing this until we have all the exploited money in the world, because it's the best currency." He then turned to his side and high-fived his BFFs, Charles and David, urinated on a poor, elderly person, and then back-flipped off the stage to a perfect 10 point landing.

The crowd cheered, the stock has since soared, and now it's up to us to pick up the pieces.  I'm reaching out to all the Davids out there...let us form like Voltron and take down Goliath.  Let them know that our elderly will not be exploited and that the impoverished will no longer be forced to pay their exorbitant interest rates any more.  It's high time we knock some sense into them.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Dania Furniture in Spokane WA. Haunted and Likely Awful.

Spokane, Washington (AKA Spokompton) is located in eastern Washington, close to the Idaho border.  It's the second largest city in the state, clocking in at 200,000+ in population (mostly white), and is the urban hub for the eastern end of the state.  Blue collar industries drive the economy for the city and nearby areas.

While Spokane is a large city with a small town feel, it does have its fair share of notoriety, including being the hometown of old skool, super famous actor/singer Bing Crosby.  His memory lives on perpetuity, as the city preserved the home he grew up in as a part of  Gonzaga University campus. Furthermore, his the Bing Crosby Theatre keeps the city entertained by drawing in national, performance arts.

Generally speaking, Spokane is a down-to-earth area that is a large city alternative in Washington that doesn't boast the high-density, urban settings like the Seattle/Bellevue area on the west side of the state. That being said, they are not immune to having an awful Dania in their area, which is believed to be haunted.  Yes, that's right, we're talking about ghosts.

According to the local paper, Inlander, reports have recently flooded in with actual real-life accounts of seeing supernatural/afterlife beings in the store. No word on whether these are mean or nice ghosts, but either way, it sounds pretty scary.  It makes us wonder what Spokomptonites fear more...dealing with Dania's notoriously notorious customer service, or the supernatural.  We're guessing the former over the latter.

Logic guides us to the only sound conclusion that these ghosts are most likely deceased, former Dania customers that are super angry about their customer experience.  These bitter afterlifers are therefore content to haunt that store for all eternity...or is there potential for them to expand to other locations?  Based on our extensive knowledge on this, we believe this to be absolutely likely, if it hasn't already begun.  And we thought we're bitter and angry!

So who you gonna call once your soul and psyche have been placed under mass duress ?  Ghostbusters or Dania's customer service for help? Buh-dum-bum (make sure you click on the red button).  So anyway, if you fear ghosts and/or a poor furniture shopping experience, you are best advised to avoid this location at all cost:

Dania Furniture
319 W Riverside Ave
Spokane, WA 99201
(509) 624-7740

Furniture Shopping Options That Are Way Better Than Dania:

Remember, folks, we cannot vouch for the quality of the furniture, or the customer experience, but we're confident that these are much better alternatives.  If you know of a furniture store we should include in our listings, please feel free to contact us at daniascrewedme @, and we'll be sure to include your information.
  • Complete Suite Furniture - so they're not going to get props for having a dope page, but nothing compares to shopping from a family-owned regional chain that isn't Dania. Right?
  • National Furniture Store - let's face it, this is old person's furniture, but a billion times better than the kind of garbage you'll find at Dania. To their credit, they seem to have some great sales, warranties, and seem very customer-oriented. Dania could learn a lot from them, if it were capable of learning.
  • Spokane Furniture Company - wide selection of stuff to put your stuff inside, onto and in between, as well as stuff to sit or sleep on. Unlike Dania, they sell their gear online, so make haste and get your order on!
  • Tin Roof - great array of furniture, designed by local artisans with a community focus. Worth a visit, at least.
  • Walker's Furniture - it looks like everything they sell is on sale. No joke - this is your spot, coupon cutters!
Visit the OCCUPY Dania Page for more information on real furniture alternatives in other areas.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Dania Furniture Recall: Riley Duo Bunk Beds

recall!  the riley duo bunk bed is outta here

Eeee! What's worse than having overpriced, faux high-end furniture in your home and exposing it to your children? Well, how about all of that, and it turns out that it can also cause serious injury to junior or your little princess, according to the United States Consumer Protection Safety Commission. That's right, folks, Dania's in hot water...again...

The Riley Duo Beds, manufactured by Wood Castle Furniture and distributed by Dania have found the guard rails on the bed exceeds 3.5" in distance.  According to the commission this, "is too wide" and presents a hazard to precious children all across our great land who sleep and dream big dreams in these very beds.  It truly breaks our heart to know Dania's peddling products that are adversely impacting the future of America.

What's even sadder is that we weren't able to find any mention of this on Dania's website, from the time this story broke on November 15, 2013 to now.  We can only hope and pray they tried to at least contact the customers who had purchased this.  Such an expectation, however, is likely to disappoint.

There were approximately 1,000 units sold between 2008 and 2011, ranging from $1500 to $1700, and was also available for sale on  If you or someone you know has purchased this, please alert them of this news.  It's bad enough to be a victim of crappy furniture, but when it presents a physical harm to the loved ones around you...well, it's possibly the worst thing ever.  We have our fingers crossed that no serious harm was ever imposed upon any of these innocent kids who were exposed to this massive debacle in furniture sales.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Dania Furniture in Beaverton (Tanasbourne) Oregon. Now Down to Just One Location.

beaverton oregon is like vegas meets new york

Beaverton is one of three cities in Oregon that is being terrorized by Dania Furniture.  It's a city on the rise, playing it cool with a low profile, as it's the sixth largest city in the state with a population a hair under 90,000 residents.  Money Magazine even gave it a shoutout, listing it as one of the top 100 cities to live in.  And let's face it, if it didn't have a Dania, it would probably be a lay-up for the top 10 list. One of these days \the residents will rise up and oust Dania, and induct themselves on the coveteted list .

Primarily middle class, Beaverton's charm that landed itself on the list is thanks to their smarty pants public education system, and relatively stable local economy, a percent or so below the national average.  Furthermore, there are 100+ parks scattered throughout the city, in addition to biking and hiking options, so it's quite an ideal environment for kids. Nike's headquartered there, but unfortunately do not offer subcontracted career opportunities to them.

While undocumented and possibly untrue, it has been alleged that Phil Knight's inspiration to subcontract out manufacturing to "sweatshops" was inspired by years of exposure to Dania furniture.  It is believed that it was more sinister than the mere desire for higher profit margins and personal glory - it was done out of disdain for humanity. While we can't say whether or not the mere exposure to Dania was the cause of this is reasonably speculative, half-baked accusation, it's likely true.

It's quite clear that Dania's existence has taken its toll on Beaverton.  Sure, it's a great city to live in, but could be so much more if it didn't have that godforesaken store in its city limits.  Yes, their location at 17005 is closed, which is a tiny victory for the cause.  However, we can't really celebrate this until their employees are rushed off to career rehab for PTSD so they can be prepared to work for a great organization that can truly appreciate them for who they are. No one but shareholders get pumped for job losses, so let's all hope their greener pastures are sooner than later for them.

We wouldn't shop here, and we suggest you don't either:

Dania Furniture in Tanasbourne
16995 NW Cornell Rd
Beaverton, OR 97006
(503) 629-2522

Furniture Shopping Options That Are Way Better Than Dania:
Remember, folks, we cannot vouch for the quality of the furniture, or the customer experience, but we're confident that these are much better alternatives.  If you know of a furniture store we should include in our listings, please feel free to contact us at, and we'll be sure to include your information.
  • Bella Furniture - Forgive them for their excessive flash.  It's really done with the best of intentions.
  • Furniture Connexion - A furniture store of the people by the people, for the people.
  • Gallery Furniture - Can't really tell much from their picture-free Google Plus page, but roll the dice and walk in blind.  YOLO, baby!
  • Hollywood Furniture - For the family - value buys, and splurge opportunities.
  • Parker Furniture - Fancy pants gear for white walls and hardwood floors.
  • Stanton Furniture - Visiting their site just to hear their triumphant theme music is reason enough to visit.  Browsing their collection of furniture for sale is all bonus!
Back to the OCCUPY Dania Page for more information on real furniture alternatives in other areas.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Dania Furniture in Kirkland, Washington is A Store You Probably Shouldn't Solicit, Because We're Assuming it's Bad.

"customer service at the dania furniture store in #kirkland, wa is ridiculous. they tell you one thing, and do another thing. #FAIL"

Kirkland, Washington is an affluent, jovial city just outside of Seattle in an area known as the Eastside.  With nearly half of its population in the mostly white 18 to 44 range, it's a youthful area where young urban professionals area able to afford to settle down and stay connected to nearby cities, like Bellevue, Redmond and Seattle.  It's a modestly sized city of ~50,000 residents that rests beautifully along beautiful Lake Washington,.  Unfortunately, this is the type of demographic profiling that Dania Furniture uses when deciding which neighborhood to underserve and terrorize. You know, young people with money that are trying to plan their future in tumultuous times and are tricked by Dania's veiled faux-elegance and shoddily manufactured microfiber garbage.  Local newspaper, the Kirkland Reporter has yet to publish any content around this, but we know it's likely happening very soon.

While mostly residential, Kirkland also serves as a home for the headquarters of growing technology companies, but most notably truck producing mammoth, Kenworth.  It should be noted that Kirkland once served as the home for the Seahawks' training facility and awesome Costco Wholesale. Kirkland Signature, the white label brand for said wholesale magnate gets its name from this fantastic city that doesn't deserve to have a Dania in its city limits (but what city really does?).

Oh, Dania leave Kirkland alone!

Over a year ago, we were reunited with John, an old vision quest friend who we hadn't seen in a decade.  This person - this titan in the technology field - had relocated to Kirkland at the time.  Looking for affordable options to furnish his home with, he and his better half turned to the web where they found us.  Thanks to our jarring personal story of strife, tribulation, trials, pain, crying, tears, snot, whining, victimization, etc. he opted to shop elsewhere.  To this day, he thanks us for helping him reach a sound solution - that is avoiding the consumer experience at Dania, the world's worst company ever. That's right, we intercepted a customer and converted him and his beautiful family into a team of believers.

For those consider shopping at Dania, be like John and just say no. Don't be a victim like @TotallyTypeA, whose poor customer experience at the very store we speak of inspired her to take her anger and frustration to Twitter. And...of course let us not forget Naarski's comment on a post made early on in this fantastic blog's inception.  Bottom line: don't let history repeat itself of making innocent consumers into depressed, tormented victims.  Avoid this location at all cost:

Dania Furniture
12230 NE 116th St
Kirkland, WA 98034
(425) 823-9160

Furniture Shopping Options That Are Way Better Than Dania:
Remember, folks, we cannot vouch for the quality of the furniture, or the customer experience, but we're confident that these are much better alternatives.  If you know of a furniture store we should include in our listings, please feel free to contact us at, and we'll be sure to include your information.
  • Design Within Reach - Now, this is the store Dania wishes it were. Sleek, high-end furniture and accessories design for the home, office and beyond. 
  • My Home Furniture and Decor - Yes, their website looks like it was designed in 1999, but give them a chance.  Offering a wide selection of stuff to fill your home with traditional designs to modern.
  • Simplicity Decor - Funky ass home accessories and super modern looking chachkis to impress your friends and break the bank.
  • Z Gallerie - Leisure, comfort and baller appearances. They offer a wide range of furniture with a lot of overlap in pricing relative to Dania. 
Back to the OCCUPY Dania Page for more information on real furniture alternatives in other areas.

Monday, February 18, 2013

2012 Page 1 Party Raises Close to $1 Million for the Red Cross.

page 1 party dania screwedme wristbands

dania furniture haters hating super hardMan oh man, was that a party!  We just got over our hangover from last year's Page 1 Party, and have much to report back.  Thanks to the seemingly thousands of Dania Haters who came out to meet with fellow anti-Dania fans, and most importantly, to support our beloved Red Cross.  Everyone in attendance sported hatewristbands in a move of solidarity and camaraderie, as angry, heated discussions of how terrible Dania is ruminated throughout the bar.  It was a beautiful coalescence of hate and love, where our fervent disgust of all things Dania Furniture resulted in an enormous, charitable contribution to the Red Cross. If you're not familiar with them, they're a pretty tight organization that tries really hard to do well for the know, the exact opposite of Dania.  It's safe to say we hit every single emotion possible, but it was accented in smiles, hugs, cheers, and community.  Needless to say, it was the best night of everyone's life.

anti dania furniture tshirt
Jeanne won this limited edition
American Apparel DSM-themed t-shirt
We reached out to friends and local businesses to raffle off awesome stuff (Dania ScrewedMe-themed t-shirts, Dania Furniture replica couch pinata, invaluable art, concert tickets, and a lot more) where all proceeds were donated to the Red Cross, since they're still fishing survivors out of the Atlantic, thanks to that damn hurricane.    Together, we almost met our lofty goal of raising $1 million!  We fell a little short, but hey, $657 is a lot of money, and we're awful proud of this massive accomplishment, nonetheless.  Especially when you consider the fact that Dania doesn't seem to do any sort philanthropic work.  In fact, all  they do is take and take from the world we live in, feeding off of society in every parasitical way possible.  God, they are awful.

It's also worth noting the wonderful folks at the Capitol Club were excellent hosts for this sacred occasion. They hooked up excellent service, poured generous drinks, and made us feel right at home. While they pretended to be confused as to the purpose of the event, something told us they probably agreed with our stance on Dania. Anyway, make sure to stop by for a drink, bite and/or throw an event there, and tell them Dania ScrewedMe sent you.

brangelina hates dania furniture
Oh, and of course what Page 1 Party isn't complete without at least one celebrity couple making an appearance.  Special thanks to super famous Dania haters, Brad and Angelina for getting a sitter for the night .  They were clearly the highlight of the red carpet event, because they're really rich, gorgeous, and famous. You'd almost guess this photo was dated, but they credit their fountain of youth in their fervent hatred of Dania Furniture.  "I stay fit and beautiful, because everyday of my life is an opportunity to spread the anti-Dania message. This is my top priority in life. 75% of my net worth has been invested in this cause."  Angelina backed up that bold statement by explaining, "Our love is bonded through hatred of Dania. It's that simple, and that's why it's such a priority for us. I hate Dania more than I love Brad, and that's what he loves most about me."

2012's Page 1 Party was clearly an historical event; no other spite organization has ever funded a charitable organization.  This is yet another example of ground we have broken, as we continue to make our mark on the world. Whether it's buying spite ads on Google, blogging about hating a furniture company for two years (no one's done that before, oddly enough), and now fundraising for good through pure, unadulterated, deep, seething, raging hate. With almost all of 2013 still ahead of us, who knows what we'll do this year (and you bet your ass we'll continue to rule page 1).  All we can say is we know it will be amazing, weird, and impactful on us as individuals, members of the community, active participants in society and brothers and sisters across this globe. So grab a Rainier, and toast to you and us...we did it again, and we'll continue to do this together.

So here's to another year of hating Dania Furniture and for showing up on page 1 of Google for all "Dania Furniture" searches.  We pledge to keep building the content you love, affecting people around the globe and spreading our message to the world about how terrible it is to shop at Dania.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Page 1 Party, 2012 Celebrates Hatred of Dania Furniture with A New Spin

donation truck to haul all of the money we are giving up to the red cross, thanks to page 1 party contributions

Everyone, gather around for the last great party on earth as we know it.  If you haven't requested your invite yet, then consider this it, unless you're a mean Dania employee. The 2012 winter solstice upon us, and impending doom is lurking around the corner as humanity gears up for its final days.  Join us tonight for our 2nd Annual Page 1 Party, which will be our last time to shine our Dania spite together.  For those not in the know, this is a party we throw for every year we appear on page 1 of Google search results for "dania furniture." See last year's Page 1 Party for an idea of what it's all about.

dania screwedme wristbands for page 1 part, 2012In addition to hating on Dania for their horrible Crate & Barrel wannabe home and office furnishings, we will be fundraising for the Red Cross.  Together, we can all help provide resources to help those hard hit areas, recover from what's been termed, "the Dania Furniture of hurricanes." The people of Staten Island are still wading in the Atlantic, and need us more than ever.

All proceeds will be sent directly to them via a giant novelty check, so be sure to break out the big bills and get a bunch of raffle tickets, they're only $1 each!  And of course, you will be obligated to purchase a lot, since the minimum tab is covered by us.  Just make sure you get a wrist band from us, so we can identify you as a hater with tab access.

LocationCapitol Club (Capitol Hill in Seattle - 414 East Pine Street), two rooms downstairs
Date & Time: December 1st, 9pm
Contact: (724) 67-DANIA
Raffle Prizes:
  • 2 sets of tickets to The Triple Door
  • Dinner for 2 at Taste of India
  • 3 Dania ScrewedMe-themed t-shirts
  • Romantic and culinary engagement from two UW philosophy professors
  • Local artist contributions inspired by their deep, collective hatred of Dania
  • Independent, locally-brewed beer of your choice
  • 6 months of gourmet cookies
  • Dania replica couch pinata + candy
The raffle will go on at midnight, so take a nap, hydrate up, eat a good meal, and prepare to get your hate on until we close out the bar.  Let's open up our wallets and see how many money bins we can fill tonight. Yes, we're taking the hate and turning it into something beautiful.

Isn't it a shame that Dania Furniture doesn't do any community-building and fundraising for those in need, like how we do?  I mean, we are an unprofitable limited liability corporation, and here we are bringing people together and likely to raise a million dollars for our beloved Red Cross.  Kudos to us, and shame on Dania.

google search results for "dania furniture philanthropy"