Sunday, April 3, 2011

Muammar Gadaffi Featured in Controversial Dania Furniture Ad Campaign

new face of dania furniture: muammar gadaffi

Dania Furniture has recently launched an advertising campaign with Libyan dictator, Muammar Gadaffi, posing front and center in the their new, faux-high-end series, The Colonel's Throne®.  This controversial campaign has ruffled many a feather domestically and internationally for a variety of obvious reasons.  The motivations are unclear, but it has been alleged that Dania's interest in Gaddaffi's international notoriety - heightened of late - "captures the essence of what Dania aspires to be...a simple blend of tyranny and strife" according to CEO, Evil John Dania, III.

Public outcry has been growing, since the ad campaign's launch, but Dania Furniture refuses to succumb to the pressure discontinue it.  According to the CEO, "our profits will soar, because we hope to really make some movement in the dictator demographics.  We owe this to our shareholders.  Our brilliant marketing team has discovered that nations with great disparities in wealth yield the most revenue per sale.  To make sure we have the product complete, from start to finish, we guarantee that our furniture is made in third world countries with little to no regulation, so we can provide employment opportunities to all people, regardless of age or working conditions.  'Mo' is the perfect face of our new line...of Dania.  He is everything we stand for"

It's unknown how much money Dania Furniture is paying Gadaffi, but it is believed to be funding the war, upwards of 75% of the total expense incurred by Gadaffi's regime.  Despite the fact that the US has cut all of Dania's international financial wiring abilities, it is alleged that their vault of cash, mostly derived from an unscrupulous revenue share agreement with Suntrax Delivery for undelivered furniture fees, has helped The Colonel gain the upper hand against the rebels. President Obama was quoted as being "totally mortified that this type of behavior can occur on US soil.  This is the biggest domestic catastrophe since Hurricane Katrina."

This comes as no surprise to informed individuals, however.  Recall Dania's 2007 leather couch campaign inspired by Ted Haggard, known as The Ironic Hypocrisy Home Line®.  "There's no such thing as 'bad publicity,' I always say," remarked Dania, III.  When I heard of Teddy's public relations issues, I decided to pounce on this opportunity and help him make some lemon-aid. Sales increased 500% within our heavily closeted, gay, anti-gay, over-zealous fundamental religious types demographics. Can you say 'win-win'?"  At the time British stock analyst, Earl Grey, responded to this unconventional ad tactic as "jaw-droppingly bizarre.  I'm not sure what they're trying to do there, but I hope they know what they're doing."

ted haggard, once the official spokesperson of dania furniture

While the Ted Haggard campaign left most people silently questioning Dania Furniture's advertising methods, the bold declaration of Muammar Gadaffi as the face of Dania Furniture has left many vocal Americans with nothing to do but express their outrage at loud volumes.  At a recent Anti-Dania rally at the Seattle Center, one attendee, echoed what many have said throughout the 3-day event.  "Their abhorrent customer service is one thing, but their support of Libyan terrorism is another.  I can't stand idle and let this happen without vocalizing my opposition."

It looks like The War on Dania Furniture has just become that much deeper...